High School Dreams

It seems that virtually every night I have a dream about a boy I went to high school with, someone I actually had a crush on from fifth grade up until I graduated. The crush would wax and wane throughout the years, but for some reason, he has stayed with me. I know where he lives and what he does, although I have not spoken to him since the last day of high school. So why all the dreams? In my dreams, he is always the same age--a high school kid. I remember at one point during my sophomore year, he actually asked me out on a date, although I didn't realize it was a date at the time (I thought it was more of a "hanging out" kind of thing at someone's house), so I never showed up. Did I snub him? Would something have happenend? Perhaps all these unanswered questions are what plagues me. But here I am, 20 years later, still thinking about this kid, realizing I know nothing about him. He could be gay. He could be married. He probably doesn't even remember me. And does it really matter at all or is it all an illusion? I'm not the same person I was in high school, although I tend to feel like an awkward adolescent much of the time. There is no way I would want to be a teenager again. I wouldn't even want to be 30 again! Still, these dreams stay with me and I don't know why. I haven't told my husband about them. He would probably think I was weirder than I already am.